Co-Parenting a child with Autism or ADHD After Separation

What is autism and ADHD?

Autism and ADHD are neurodevelopmental conditions. Autism can affect how a person communicates, interacts with others and experiences the world. Autistic children may also experience sensory differences, including heightened or reduced responses to sound, light, movement or texture.

ADHD can affect attention, impulse control, activity levels, organisation and working memory. Both conditions vary considerably from child to child, and they can occur together. (Healthdirect: autism; Healthdirect: ADHD)

A diagnosis does not define a child’s personality, abilities or future. It can, however, help parents, schools and health professionals understand what support may assist that individual child.

Is autism and ADHD diagnoses becoming more common?

Recorded autism prevalence in Australia has increased substantially.

The Australian Bureau of Statistics estimated that 290,900 Australians - 1.1% of the population - were autistic in 2022, compared with 205,200 people, or 0.8%, in 2018. Among children aged 5–14, recorded prevalence increased from 3.2% in 2018 to 4.3% in 2022. (ABS, Autism in Australia, 2022)

The longer-term change is also striking: the estimated number of autistic Australians increased from 64,400 in 2009 to 164,000 in 2015 and 290,900 in 2022. (Australian Institute of Health and Welfare; ABS)

Those figures show an increase in identified or reported autism. They do not, by themselves, establish why that increase occurred. Greater awareness, changing diagnostic practices and improved recognition - including recognition of presentations that have historically been missed - may contribute to recorded prevalence.

Australia’s evidence-based ADHD guideline estimates that ADHD occurs in approximately 6–10% of Australian children and adolescents. Earlier national survey data found ADHD in 8.2% of children aged 4–11 in 2013–14. (Australian Evidence-Based Clinical Practice Guideline for ADHD; AIHW)

The AIHW also reports that about 156,000 children aged 0–11 received ADHD medication in 2023–24 - a dispensing rate more than ten times that recorded in 2004–05. Medication data is not the same as prevalence or diagnosis data, but it demonstrates the extent to which identification and treatment have changed. (AIHW, Health of children)

What does Australian family law require?

Under section 60CA of the Family Law Act 1975 (Cth), a child’s best interests are the paramount consideration when a court makes a parenting order.

The current section 60CC requires the court to consider, among other matters:

1. what arrangements would promote the safety of the child and each caregiver;

2. any views expressed by the child;

3. the child’s developmental, psychological, emotional and cultural needs;

4. each proposed caregiver’s capacity to meet those needs; and

5. the benefit of the child having relationships with parents and other significant people, where it is safe.

(Family Law Act 1975 (Cth), ss 60CA–60CC)

The Act does not create a special parenting formula for autistic or ADHD children. A diagnosis is relevant insofar

as it assists in identifying the particular child’s needs and each parent’s capacity to meet them.

Parenting arrangements to consider after separation

The following are considerations, not a universal prescription.

1. Prioritise predictability without making the arrangement inflexible

Predictable routines can help children feel secure after separation. For some autistic children, repeated transitions or sudden changes may be especially difficult. ADHD children may benefit from visible schedules, reminders and consistent systems for schoolwork, medication and belongings.

Australian parenting guidance recommends maintaining familiar routines and, where possible, similar meal and bedtime routines across homes - particularly for younger children. (Raising Children Network: two homes after separation)

2. Choose the roster by reference to the child, not adult notions of fairness

Consider the child’s age, attachment relationships, communication, sensory profile, sleep, school demands, travel time, response to transitions and ability to understand the schedule.

Some children cope well with frequent contact and shorter blocks. Others regulate better with fewer handovers and longer, predictable periods in each home.

A child’s difficulty with change should be investigated rather than automatically characterised as resistance to the other parent.

3. Make handovers low-conflict and low-demand

Use a consistent time and place, give the child advance notice and consider using a visual countdown or calendar.

Avoid arguing at handover, questioning the child about the other household or introducing unnecessary last-minute changes. Where direct handovers are stressful, a school or childcare transition may sometimes reduce conflict, provided it suits the child’s needs.

4. Reduce the child’s organisational burden

Keep essential clothing, toiletries, school materials, comfort items and, where possible, sensory supports at both homes.

Use a shared calendar and written communication system. The child should not become responsible for carrying important information, medication or conflict between parents. (Raising Children Network: co-parenting)

5. Agree on medication and professional support

Parents should have a clear written system covering:

1. medication and prescriptions;

2. medical and therapy appointments;

3. treating practitioners;

4. school supports;

5. professional recommendations; and

6. what should occur if medication is missed or the child becomes dysregulated.

Treatment decisions should be based on qualified clinical advice.

Australia’s ADHD guideline emphasises assessment and treatment directed towards everyday functioning and quality of life. The national Supporting Autistic Children Guideline emphasises safe, effective and individualised supports connected across clinical, community and educational settings. (AADPA ADHD Guideline; Autism CRC Supporting Autistic Children Guideline)

6. Listen to the child without making the child decide

A child’s views are relevant under section 60CC, but a child should not be asked to choose between parents.

How those views are obtained must take account of the child’s age, communication style and capacity. Behaviour may also communicate that an arrangement is overwhelming, although it should be interpreted carefully and, where necessary, with professional assistance.

7. Review the arrangement as the child develops

What works at six may not work at twelve.

School changes, puberty, treatment, increasing insight and changing support needs may all justify reviewing a parenting arrangement. Parents should consider building practical review points into their agreement rather than waiting for the arrangement to fail.

What if autism or ADHD is suspected but not diagnosed?

Parents do not need to wait for a formal diagnosis before responding sensibly to a child’s observed needs.

Concerns should be recorded neutrally and discussed with the child’s GP, paediatrician or another appropriately qualified practitioner. The child’s school may also have relevant observations and be able to assist with appropriate support.

If parents disagree about assessment or treatment, the dispute may concern decision-making responsibility as well as the child’s living and time arrangements.

Early legal advice can help identify whether the issue may be resolved through written agreement, family dispute resolution, a parenting plan or consent orders. Court proceedings should generally be a last resort after genuine attempts to resolve the dispute, subject to exceptions including urgency and safety concerns.

A child-focused plan, not a diagnostic label

The most effective co-parenting arrangements for an autistic or ADHD child are usually detailed enough to create certainty but flexible enough to respond to the individual child.

The focus should remain on reducing conflict, supporting regulation and maintaining safe relationships - not achieving mathematical equality between adults.

Reach out to us for help

At Wylde Family Law, we help parents develop practical parenting arrangements that reflect their child’s individual needs and the requirements of Australian family law.

If you need advice about parenting arrangements for an autistic or ADHD child after separation, contact our team to arrange an initial consultation and discuss the options available to your family.

We are located in Melbourne, Geelong and Torquay and assist clients remotely throughout Australia.

This article provides general information only and is not legal or medical advice. Parenting outcomes depend on the circumstances and evidence in each case.